You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
