I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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