She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
