I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
