Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
