omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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