did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
