I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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