chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
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