To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Randomize
