if you like me you must not know who I am
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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