I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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