I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
