Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
