i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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