grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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