somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
