I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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