Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
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