I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
