Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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