i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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