I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
