Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
