For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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