I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
This can only be settled by a dance off.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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