Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
