help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
