Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
