Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
