Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
