somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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