My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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