Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
