I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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