She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
