The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
