Betty ford says i'm here all night
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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