While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Randomize
