i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
