I hate all girls vehemently.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
