I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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