I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
