Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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