TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
