Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
