I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
