I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
