i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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