What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Someone came in the potted fern
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
