Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
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I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
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My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10