I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.