so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
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Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
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We have so much sex to catch up on
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..