in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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