i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
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Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
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I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants