BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Randomize
