Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
