Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
