She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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