yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
