Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Text me some of your sweat
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
