Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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