All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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