my vag is so smooth its legendary
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
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