we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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