I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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