Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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