there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
