Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
