omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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