no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
one two three fourrrrnication!
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
