I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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