My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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