I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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