My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
