I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
