You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
the day after is always just damage control
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
