It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
