Little spoons don't ask big questions
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
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